[HTTYD] His Soul Reflects My Own: Trust, chapter 5

His Soul Reflects My Own: Trust, a DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon fanfic by Raberba girl

Chapter 5 (rough draft)

They searched all night, but even with an entire flock of dragons, no one could find anything, not even a definitive physical trail.

"How could he just disappear?!  Did he vanish into thin air, did he...?!"  On that possibility, Hiccup tried searching through dreamscapes and other worlds with the help of an eager-to-please Gronckle (and a crowd of other dragons trailing alongside), but there wasn't a sign of the Night Fury in any of the worlds they looked through.

It was mid-morning by the time they emerged, and Astrid managed to persuade him to let his human troopmates sleep, but Hiccup refused both her and his mother's entreaties to rest himself.  "Something's wrong...something is so wrong, he's out there somewhere and I can't just sleep when he's probably in trouble...!"

Nothing else mattered anymore.  Hiccup turned off his phone and had all incoming messages to his chip automatically quarantined, allowing alert notifications only for messages from the dragons.  In those hours, he could have cared less about Berk.  All that mattered was the emptiness and fear in his heart, the sick feeling that something was wrong wrong wrong and he was entirely helpless to fix it....

When Astrid's and Valka's messages, conveyed via their dragon partners, grew more and more concerned and then commanding, Hiccup shut them out, too, ordering Stormfly and Cloudjumper to relay nothing to him unless it concerned the search for Toothless.  The day wore on hopelessly, but he kept dragging himself through it.

Until a shadow fell over him and a pair of thin, heavily scarred arms wrapped around his shoulders.

Hiccup tilted his head back and frowned up at the mottled-eyed, dark-skinned man who was human, yet held him the same way a dragon would.  "Squirt?"

The Dream Master didn't say a word.  Hiccup had time only for sudden realization and a gasp of outrage before everything gently went dark.

When he awakened, he found that he'd been asleep the entire night.  "I'm angry enough to pick a fight with you, both of you!" he raged to Astrid and Valka as he climbed out of bed, ignoring Cloudjumper's very quiet growl.  "I would if it wouldn't waste time that I should be spending looking for my dragon!"  He turned on Squirt even as he was jerking on the fresh set of clothes Valka was handing to him.  "And you!  That was not acceptable!"

Squirt stared at him wordlessly.  Hiccup could only guess at what thoughts must be running through the Dream Master's head, but his guesses made him want to squirm with guilt, so he mentally shied away.  "Don't you ever touch me again without my permission.  Either me or my mind!"

"Please don't speak to him that way," Valka said quietly, putting an arm around Squirt in a gesture that looked effectively protective despite the way he towered over her.  "We are the ones who asked him to give you rest, and he acted out of love for you."

"I don't care!  I don't care!  Toothless is the one who matters right now, not me!"

The Dream Master's voice was low, and despite the uncertainty and shame and humility in its tone, it still had a majestic quality that made even Hiccup in his fury slow down and truly pay attention to him.  "That Night Fury who loves You would not like seeing You tear Yourself apart for His sake."

If anyone else had said it, Hiccup would have still been able to keep his composure, perhaps even to brush aside the remark.  But said by a Dream Master, even a broken one, the words clutched at Hiccup's heart and overwhelmed him.  He sank back slowly to sit on the edge of the bed, his shoulders bowed, his hands pressed to his face in a desperate attempt to muffle his tears.

Stormfly and the two Terrors who had refused to leave his side crept close to hold and comfort him, followed by the two human women, and Cloudjumper's wings shadowed over him protectively.

"Where is he...where is he...?"

When Hiccup finally had control of himself again, he asked, now calm and sad, if they had still kept up the search while he'd been asleep.

"Of course!  The dragons have been out the entire time, though we had to start organizing shifts for them."

Astrid took his hand.  "I've been acting as interim chief for you, Hiccup, I hope you don't mind...."

"No, no, it's fine."

"Cloudjumper and Squirt and I have been taking care of the dragons as best we can," Valka said.  "But it's you, their flock consort and former queen, whom they really want, and they want their true alpha even more."

At the look on his face, Astrid added wryly, "We do care about finding him, too, you know."

"I...I know, I just...."  Hiccup gently disengaged himself from the dragons and paced the room, tapping his knuckles against his head in frustration.  "We searched everywhere, pretty much the entire half of the forest on that side of Berk...did anyone ever find anything inside the city itself?"  He sighed at the looks on their faces.  "Maybe we should search the other side of the forest, too, it's not like it'd hurt...."  He paused, then looked at the Dream Master.  "Squirt?"

Squirt straightened a little, his expression both apprehensive and hopeful.  Hiccup softened, going over to lay his hand very gently on the Dream Master's arm.  "Hey, Squirt, you think you could do me a favor?"

"What is Your command?"

"...It's not a...command; it's a favor, okay?  You can say no if you want to, I'm just asking.  Requesting."  He wouldn't have bothered saying it to other dragons, but with Squirt, he felt like he had to be constantly giving this-is-how-to-not-be-a-slave lessons.

"...What do You ask of me?"

"I can only think of three reasons why I can't track Toothless's chip - either the tracker's been turned off, the chip's been completely destroyed, or he's in another world.  Looking for him in other worlds is like trying to find a needle in a haystack for me, but do you have some way of tracking him that doesn't involve his chip?"

"Of course.  You wish me to search for Him in other realms?"

"Yes, that would be so helpf--"  Startled, Hiccup threw out his arms to catch Squirt when he fell, then struggled to hold onto the taller man until Astrid and Cloudjumper helped him lay the sleeping Dream Master down on the bed.  Hiccup stared.  "I didn't mean right that second...!"

After he had had a quick meal forced on him, Hiccup flew out again together with Valka and Cloudjumper, while Astrid stayed behind to look after the human business of Berk that had slowed but of course not stopped despite the dragon crisis.  After an hour or so, he received a message.

"Squirt's awake.  No luck."

Hiccup called the Dream Master directly.  It took three tries to get through.

"...."

"Hello?!  Squirt, are you there?"

"...Chieftain?"  Squirt's voice sounded wary, as well as very muffled and distant.

"Are you holding the phone upside-down again?"

"What?"

"Turn the phone over, Squirt."

"...."

"The PHONE, Squirt!  Talk into the other tiny hole!"

"...I'm talking?"

Hiccup winced and lowered the volume on his own phone.  "Yeah, that's right.  Good.  So you checked every world, but he wasn't there?"

"I looked in every realm He can get into.  He is in none of them, so He must still be here in ours."

"...So...what about the worlds he supposedly can't get into?  Have you tried those?"

"He cannot get to them."

"Yeah, but look anyway!"

"...This is a command, or a 'request' that You ask of me?"

Hiccup gritted his teeth.  "Please.  It is a huge favor that I would be very grateful if you would please do, Squirt, because we are friends."

"...I will search all the realms I can enter, because I love You and You are asking very sweetly, but I know that it is a waste of time."

"Thank you, Squirt, I really appreciate it.  And am also still not used to the 'I love you' thing, for the record."  He hung up the phone and squeezed his eyes shut.  "Toothless, where are you...?"

Even though he knew Squirt was looking, Hiccup couldn't help escaping to other worlds himself from time to time, from the utter frustration of how fruitless the search in his own world was.  In dreamscapes particularly, he could do so many things that he was unable to do in the real world that it made him feel better to test his extended limits.  He also kept dreaming of the dreamscapes he'd seen, constant nightmares of searching for Toothless, so that sometimes sleep and wakefulness ran together and he wasn't sure whether he was visiting a dreamscape for real, or whether he was only dreaming about dreams.

The one time he saw his Night Fury up close and not in an obvious nightmare, he was 90% sure that he was awake.  He distinctly remembered that it was 3:27 in the afternoon when he had asked Truespear, Stormfly's mate whom Hiccup happened to be paired with that day, to bring him into the 'Dragonworld' dreamscape.

In the five years (of Berk time) since the end of the Red Death's rule, the dreamscape no longer looked so hellish.  The darkness now seemed more peaceful and awe-inspiring, and the great mountain, now that the volcano had gone dormant, was lit instead with lighter and varied colors from the world's remaining and new residents.

Rather than heading for the mountain, Hiccup instead directed the Nadder to go toward the empty Night Fury territory, which still stretched out vast and dark and silent despite some colors and hearth fires gradually intruding on the edges.

Hiccup had no hope of seeing the deserted villages and dwellings in the darkness, so he had to rely on the dragon's senses to find what he was looking for.  Eventually they arrived at Toothless's childhood home, which was empty and silent as always, but had been rebuilt over years of visits to something that looked decently inviting to wanderers.

Apparently a wanderer had stopped in for the night.  A fire had been built, and there was movement close to it.  Once Truespear landed, Hiccup approached the den cautiously, hand on his weapon - until he saw the silhouette of the creature on the other side of the firelight.

"Toothless!" Hiccup screamed.  He flung himself at the black creature, a Night Fury in mythic form who immediately dropped the stick it had been drawing with, gave a high-pitched bark of pure joy, and rushed at Hiccup.  The collision was rather painful, but Hiccup was too overjoyed to care as the dragon licked him until he was laughing too hard to breathe, and nuzzled him until he wondered if he was bruised, and crowed its delight to the dark skies in between shots of beautiful violet Night Fury fire.

"Toothless, Toothless, Toothless....  Hey, bud, hey, Berk form!  Okay?  I wanna talk to you!  Berk body, please!"

Toothless went very still, cocking his head at Hiccup as if he couldn't quite believe what he had heard.  Then he dismissively shook his whole body and morphed upward and smaller into the humanoid form Hiccup was most familiar with.  Near the fire, Truespear settled down happily with a chunk of meat.

"Toothless!"

"Hiccup my Hiccup I have Him here, real Hiccup not dream Hiccup I love Him so much I'm sooooooo happy...."

"Toothless, where have you been?!  We've been looking EVERYWHERE for you, did you--?!"

"This is a very very good wonderful dream," Toothless purred, hugging Hiccup tightly and nuzzling the side of his face.

"Dream?"

"Much more happy here than outside," Toothless sighed in contentment.

"Toothless, we have to get home.  Things have been a complete and total mess, we really, really need you back--"

"No boring talk!  Let's play!"  Toothless sprang away and crouched, his eyes dancing, obviously wanting Hiccup to chase after him.

"Toothless, cut it out!  Hey...."  Hiccup looked at him.  "Toothless...when you ran, it's because you saw...those recordings, ri--?"

Toothless was shaking his head hard.  "No no no no no, no talk about recordings no talk about memory or horrible things, I love my Hiccup we play and are happy always."

Hiccup frowned and tried to move close, but Toothless giggled and dashed away.  "Toothless!  Toothless come here, the other dragons really need you, you're their alpha--!"

"No!  No alpha, horrible things, I--  I...."  Toothless was suddenly still, staring off into the darkness, a distressed look on his face as he pressed his hands over his heart.  "Flock...my precious flock that I love...."

"You have to come back for them, Toothless.  They're going crazy without you."

Toothless turned his face back to Hiccup, his expression full of pain.  "They are alone now.  I will die, but they must not die.  I'm sorry, forgive forgive forgive, please."  He closed his eyes.  "Cloudjumper is very good...maybe Squirt because he loves You, I am jealous of him but he loves You so he will be good...maybe Stormfly my dear friend, there is much love in her heart...."  He opened his eyes again and smiled very sadly at Hiccup.  "You choose.  You are my heart, You will know, they will listen to You.  You choose their new alpha who will love them most and protect them, take care of them so they won't die even though I was weak and I die."

Hiccup's mouth had gone dry.  "What...you--  What?!  Toothless...!"

Tears were sliding down Toothless's face as he came back to Hiccup and held him close.  "My flock, my precious flock, I was a terrible alpha to them, I ran far left them alone with no one to be their good new alpha and take care of protect them...."

"Toothless, you have to come back!  We're right here, we'll just go back together now!  I--"  Hiccup, whose trembling fingers had been reaching behind the dragon's left ear, suddenly realized it like a kick in the gut - the chip was there, even a strange flat version of the flying sequence was there, and a muddle that was like a layman's painting of code, but...it wasn't a real computer chip.  The Night Fury still had his red tail prosthetic, but the chip was fake, with no way to actually access it and nothing inside to respond except a faint whiff of distant joy from the flying sequence, as if it was created from memory rather than digital code.  "Toothless...your chip...?!"

Toothless pulled back a little and gazed at him silently.

Hiccup swallowed.  "You're a dream," he whispered.  "You're just...dreaming.  This is...you're--"  He backed away.

"Hiccup," Toothless said softly, "my precious Hiccup, I love You most.  You have all my love."

"Toothless!  Quick, tell me where your body is!  Your real body, the one back in our world!  You are still somewhere in our world, right?!  Close to Berk, far away, where?!  Where did you go?!  Are you hurt?!  We have to find you!"

Toothless looked down at his own hands, studying them for a while.  "I am dying," he finally said.  "I know I'm not dead yet, because this is not a realm for dead people.  But this is the last time I will see You."

"No...!"

He looked back up at Hiccup and smiled sadly.  "I love You," he said again.

"No, Toothless, no, please don't die on me!"

Toothless suddenly staggered.  He winced and started to crouch down, then he gasped and gripped one of his hands hard in the other.  "It hurts, it hurts...they are awake again, they think maybe I am finally dead, but I'm not, I'm not yet...."  He winced.

"You're NOT dead!  I WILL FIND YOU, but you have to tell me where you are, Toothless!!!  Are you in another world?!  Are you in ours?!"

Gasping, Toothless clutched at his own hand even harder.  "Hurts so much, please don't wake me up, please please let me stay here with my Hiccup I love, don't...."  He disappeared.

To be continued....

Author's Notes:  I'm not sure yet whether Cloudjumper is supposed to have a chip or not, but for now, I'll assume he does.